mastering dating apps
In all honesty- any app can be a dating app. Instagram is easily turning into a dating app, LinkedIn can- and I can say I’ve had flirty conversations on all of them. The difference between dating apps and any other app is the intention. Dating apps just name the intention. The actual process is the same as any other online platform where you would meet people. LinkedIn? Adding people to your network that you think could help you in your career, but in reality, many of those people can’t serve as stepping stones in your career unless you both put in some work. Dating apps are simply people that are open to romantic connections- but you have to put in the work to get to know each other and want actually to date each other.
Now the thing with dating apps is it's just like a social media profile. People are putting on the best face they can, presenting the best version of themselves, and the most socially acceptable version of what is expected of a man or woman. And we on the other end of that screen create a fake reality for this person- which leads me to protip number 1:
Get off the app ASAP.
And by getting off the app I don’t mean start texting each other or start following each other on Instagram. Let me tell you why that doesn’t work- there's still a barrier between two people meeting and deciding whether or not they are compatible. Getting off the app means talking on the phone, making a plan to meet, and FaceTiming. This is important because when you see the other person’s profile you can create this false reality for the person based on what they put in their profile. Hear that person’s voice, hear how they form a sentence, listen to their thought process, see their mannerisms- that's the real data you want. That's the data that will help you decide if you like that person and want to continue to get to know them- not their dating profile. Also- you know men all basically have the same dating profile. Getting off the apps will also help you weed out the real from the fake. The girlies don’t have time for what the boys are trying to do- which is gain pen pals and waste time. I cannot count how many texting buddies I amassed on dating apps. These are the guys that consistently ask you “How are you?” or “How was your day?” with no intentions of ever progressing out of your inbox. So if you want to meet people, yes I agree with this best practice.
The next best practice you all shared was:
Not swiping on guys that have clearly stated their intentions and they are opposite of yours.
Now sis. You said you were on the app to meet a husband, someone who wants to seriously date- why are you trying to match with the guy that said he wants something casual? You are setting yourself up for failure, you’re not respecting your own expectations and standards, and you’re mismanaging your expectations. I’ve done it. “He said casual…but that's just for now.” or my favorite, “Of course it’ll start off casual and grow into something more!” Stop lying to yourself, Swipe left on him. Leave him where he is the find other girls that want casual relations. Nothing wrong with two people who are aligned being together. Let him go girl. Be selective with your swipes. Everyone doesn't deserve them.
These are my favorites because they are the most important thing. I put these two together because they belong together.
Ask which picture is the most recent.
Pay attention to the photos without hats if hats seem to be their favorite accessory.
I absolutely hate when a person puts outdated photos on their dating profiles. Like if you intend on meeting anyone of the app- then you shouldn’t have a picture from 2005. And I feel like in the past 2-3 years most of our bodies have changed exponentially. So asking which is the most recent picture is very smart, and I never thought to ask that. I was able to look through them and choose the oldest-looking one- but definitely ask!
Now the hat thing. We can’t trust men that always wear harts equate they’re hiding something. No, a hat is not synonymous with weaves and units. I don’t need to prove it or go into detail- argue with your mother. There was a guy I had a crush on- and he always wears hats. Like you would never see a picture of him hateless or out in public hatless. Until one day…he posted a picture without a hat. My crush ended. He wasn’t the samw guy- and I couldn’t accept that. So don’t get your heart broken, find a hatless pic.
The last pro tip: Don’t download the app/ Delete it.
I get this one. Dating apps are stressful and overall bad for our mental health. One study done by the University of North Texas study found that dating app users report lower self-esteem and lower psychosocial well-being than non-users- which stems from regular rejection. Men are really down bad when it comes to this as about half of their matches never message them back. Yall dead wrong for that- because you go and swipe on all these people and don’t even want to talk to them. Be selective with your swipes. I’ve never had anything long-term with a man I’ve met on an app. And I’ve matched with and met a few guys from offline. For me, there was always a disconnect between the person I conjured up in my head and the person in front of me. It's like learning those quirks and mannerisms over time instead of knowing about them upfront kills everything for me. And IDK- it's just like…you’re a guy off the internet.
My Final Thoughts: A dating app is an app with an algorithm made to keep you on there for as long as possible. Some have found love from dating apps- I personally don’t believe it's the right place. Every couple I know and think they’re in a good place- they met in person. I will leave that there. If you have any best practices that you’d like to share with us- let me know!
https://www.adjust.com/blog/dating-apps-going-social/
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/02/06/10-facts-about-americans-and-online-dating/
