How To Live A soft life
Everybody and they mama wants to love a soft life. They’re hashtagging soft life, wearing pink, wearing soft curls, they’re slowing down. And I’m with it! I may be a little late to the party, but I’m always on time.
Urban Dictionary tells us soft life is:
“The act of simply living a life with less stress, worry, and concern. Making better decisions that benefit your overall well-being. You don’t prioritize fitting in, or following trends, you're just here to live your divine purpose.”
I think many of us are confusing soft life with the black girl luxury and the feminine movement. To be a real IG luxury gal, you have to actively participate in capitalism. And I’m speaking for the majority- which I’m sure are listening to my podcast- you must put in some work to be a luxury gal. Whether it be working extra hours, you went through school to get a high-paying job, you work hard to get a promotion, work to manipulate men for their money- either way black girl luxury is not easy to come by. Aspects of a soft life can be achieved by anyone because it's not all about money- it's about your mindset. I know that life is life and no you can’t be in #softmode all the time. I’m here for a good time and I will take my time and live my life as softly as possible.
The 6 Things I Do to Love a Soft Life
Stay in my own lane. If you’re not constantly wondering what someone else is doing or what they have you’ll never be content with your own life. Staying in your own lane also requires you to love the lane you’re in. It’s hard to mind your own business if you’re not happy there, grateful for the metaphorical (and literal) car you’re driving and focused on your own journey. So being able to focus on your own priorities in turn will improve the relationship you have with yourself because you will start to feel better about where you are in life, stop comparing yourself to others, and stop judging others.
Say no to struggle. Success is not measured by how much you struggle to get to the end. Nobody gets an award at the end of life for struggling the most. The biggest struggle I refuse is struggle love- which Rosa Johnson from the Medium defined as the “ belief that for a couple to grow one or both people must inflict emotional, physical, and/or psychological pain within the relationship. This pain will allow the couple to reach new levels in their relationship. Once they get through to “the other side” they will reap the benefits of the anguish they endured.”
This is not my cup of tea, nor should it be yours. When I was younger and in relationships, the question I would always ask my friends is i, “Is this supposed to be hard?” Because I genuinely thought that was how relationships worked. That's what the music videos showed me, that's what my family showed me, and that's what I saw all around me. Forcing someone to love you the way you want or waiting for a change will only hurt you in the end.
As I got older (#wiser), learned more about myself and how to date- I realized it didn't need to be hard. A struggle love life is a toxic love life- and nobody deserves that.
Ask for help. Black women and women of color- you don’t have to do everything on your own. Ask for help, and build a selective support network. The reason I say selective is because of the late Shanquella Robinson. In no way this is her fault, but this really shows me that you have to be extremely careful who you let into your circle. Really makes me second-guess a lot of things. But back to my point- we don’t like to ask for help because in our mind it paints us as inferior, incompetent and/or incapable. Studies actually show that kids as young as 5 care about their reputation among peers and will cheat on games to look smart and as young as 7 kids start to associate asking for help as admitting that you’re incompetent.
I used to feel that way- and I’m thinking academically. My 1st year in college, I thought I could do anything because my prior experiences told me I could. However, entering the next academic chapter in my life- I was not used to asking for help especially when it wasn’t offered. So I had to seek services that could help me and utilize them. Now fast forward to adulthood- I’m asking for help because I now see the value for ask for help- whether that help be
Create self-loving routines and habits. Habits and routines make life easier and softer because you remove decision-making fatigue. I think the most important routines to practice are your morning and evening routines because how you start and end your day dictates the entire day. If you need help creating either of these, I am more than happy to talk through structures and goals that will help propel you in life. I’ll link my free consultation in the show notes if you are interested! Whenever I lack the motivation, will power, or discipline to make these self loving decisions, I always ask myself, “Would future Quinesha appreciate this?” If the answer is yes- I do it.
Pay for convenience. Sometimes the money saving way isn’t always worth it. I’m the Queen of “I can do it myself” because I enjoy the process and I do want to save money. But sometimes I’d rather pay someone to do it. For instance- yes I can do my own hair but sometimes I don’t feel like sitting home for 2 days to do my own hair. And the opposite- I love the look of my nails getting done, but I hate the process of being in the shop and I dont think it's a relaxing experience. For that reason I’m painting my own nails or putting on press-ons.
Paying for convenience requires you to have an abundant mindset and believe that money will always come back to you. Some conveniences that I will pay for are a direct flight, taking an uber someplace where you may need to extensively look for parking, having food delivered instead of going to pick it up, and Amazon delivery. Sometimes it’s worth it and sometimes it's not. But if I can save my time, I feel the #softlife.
Enjoy the simple pleasures. The idea of romanticizing your life was very popular on tik tok a few years ago, and I still think it's so important. Intentionally enjoying the little things you do in life is necessary. We spend so much time looking forward to the big events- graduations, marriage, birthdays- but what about all the other days in between? Aren't those important? Yes! Those days matter and taking time to enjoy them will bring more joy to your life instead of waiting around for big events to be happy.
The little things in life I enjoy are putting together a cute outfit, a good skin day, a cup of coffee in an aesthetic mug, glass straws, laughing until my cheeks hurt, seeing my dog’s reaction to seeing a horse, sitting on my couch and reading a book, making plans, changing my bedding, bubble baths, completing a workout, deep cleaning, and spending time with my loved ones. All those are such everyday things- but I love all of them and they make up my life.
I’d always chase leisure over luxury because I know the true value of leisure.
Sources:
https://therapyforblackgirls.com/2021/02/12/the-mental-health-benefits-of-staying-in-your-lane/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-kids-are-afraid-to-ask-for-help/
Photo by Vladimir Yelizarov on Unsplash
