Are you living the life you chose?
Before we start this episode, I want you to pause me and answer this question. You can think about it or write it down. What is preventing you from achieving your goals? Think about or write down all the roadblocks. I am willing to bet you all $100 each that the majority of these problems lead back to you, that you can fix these problems, and that doing so will greatly improve your circumstances.
Now I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the root of this is that you’re afraid of success. Some of you may be shaking your head right now saying, “Nope! Not me! Bring it on!”
And I’m going to challenge you to not think of success as only the end product of what your goal is. Success is also the process of getting there. Many of us desperately want to elevate to the next level but we don’t want to do the work to make it happen. We’re afraid to adopt a new mindset, spend our time differently, join a new group, in general, walk the new walk, and talk the new talk. The fear of actually achieving your dreams is actually rooted in the process of becoming the elevated version of yourself.
A portion of you actually likes to be the victim. Of course, there are things you could do to enhance your life, but it's easier to blame all of your problems on people around you, your past, and any other limiting mindsets you've developed.
So I’ve been in the place of getting in my own way multiple times, and I’m still in my own way. I’m ready to be a full-time podcaster, content creator, life coach, speaker, author, curator, and all the things. But I can honestly say, I haven’t put forth all my effort just yet.
I’m done with tough love- now let's get to the encouragement and action plan.
If you’re feeling unsure about your action plan, it helps to study people that are doing what you want to do.
There is not a day that goes by where I’m not stalking a podcaster with similar content to mine, stalking a life coach’s LinkedIn to see what certifications she has, or looking at what’s trending on social media. Your journey is a combination of your unique spice and some sort of blueprint. The purpose of looking at other people’s journeys is to get a clue on the direction you should be headed in, confirm your current plan, or get some ideas. The purpose is not to copy someone else. If something doesn’t feel authentic to you, it won’t happen. Once you see what other people have done or are doing- it can do one of two things- make you feel like your dream is attainable because now you see what you have to do OR it can make you feel defeated because of all the things you need to do. Honestly, the perspective is up to you.
Write down every single thing you need to achieve your goal.
This brainstorming session is completely necessary. You just need to brain-dump everything and every possibility. The most important thing to remember while doing this brainstorming situation is to not assign value to any idea until the end. I love brainstorming because you’re just thinking of every solution and you’re able to be as creative as possible. Write down anything that comes to your mind and then evaluate them at the end. If you stop to say, “this is a good idea” it’ll interrupt your flow and you’ll try to think of ideas similar to that. Conversely, if you stop and think, “That's a dumb idea”, you may stump yourself. Do time your brainstorming session to let your brain know that it has a time limit.
Create a 12-week plan.
Honestly, one of the biggest game changers for me was thinking of my year in terms of 12 weeks. Because sis- what is time? Not only that- we don’t always need 12 months to achieve our goals. It always goes the same and I can speak because I’ve gone through this vicious cycle.
Stat Time!
The idea of a 12-week year comes from the book titled “The 12 Week Year”, and baby once I read this I immediately started planning my 12 weeks. I’m still in the middle of my year, but I notice immediate changes to my goal-setting process. There’s a greater sense of urgency to achieve my goals because we’re motivated by deadlines and my deadline is no longer 10 months away, it’s 10 weeks away. I highly recommend reading the book or setting up a free consultation with me if you want to get started on achieving your dreams!
The way you think about it is:
A year = 12 weeks
A month = 1 week
A week = 1 day
In the beginning, you want to write down 2-3 goals that you want to work on over the next 12 weeks. Then write down the daily actions you need to take to achieve that goal, the milestones you need to hit, and anything else you need. Map it out and get to it!
Change your surroundings
How you interpret this is up to you. Take whatever you need and apply it. This could be the people you’re surrounding yourself with or your actual environment. Whenever I am in a funk, I will move my furniture around, get rid of some stuff, or decorate a bit.
We’ve all heard the saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” and I agree with that statement to a certain extent. It ignores our individuality and consciousness. But, if your core group were drug addicts or hair stylists, you’d pick up some of those habits. Ideally, you’d like to surround yourself with people that have admirable traits because that would encourage you to mirror those traits you admire. I’m aware of how hard it is to make new friends as an adult, but there are a plethora of ways to change who you spend the most time with. Think about where you spend most of your time and who you interact with. I think many of you said work- who do you talk to at work? What do you talk about? That’s a small shift, but I promise it’ll work wonders.
Now- for the other interpretation of that statement- rearranging your physical space. It’s basically feng shui! This part from Psychology Today sums it up perfectly,
I often find myself making small changes to the layout of my furniture when I need some encouragement. After doing so, I feel like a baddie ready to take charge!
Quiet your inner critic
We all have voices inside of us, and most of the time our inner critic is the loudest. It’s the voice that triggers the self-doubt, judges and demeans your efforts, and ultimately negatively impacts your self-esteem. We pay more attention to the negativity because we have a bias to do so.
So how to quiet down this loud nagging voice? I found this great exercise that has really helped.
Imagine that person that makes everyone roll their eyes when they start talking because nothing makes sense. Everything about them is annoying, they’re just trying to get under your skin, and they don’t have your best interest at heart. That’s your inner critic. We’re going to challenge that inner critic with facts and compassion for ourselves.
My inner critic comes into play when I’m preparing for a big project or leading a project. She starts saying, “Nobody will see the value in this, I’ll sound stupid saying this, or Maybe I should talk about this in a 1-on-1 setting”. The way I combat this is first saying, “I’m doing the best I can and I’m coming from a good place.” After I clarify my intentions with myself then I go in with the facts, and the way I do this backing up everything I was to include in the project with facts.
Recently, I’ve been questioning if I do this because I’m a woman and feel the need to validate my leadership- but that’s another conversation but still linked to Ms. Inner Critic.
One last word: Are you living the life you chose or living the life that chose you?
Photo by Justin Essah on Unsplash
