drop the deadweight
Sappy Moment Alert!
I recently got a haircut, and as the stylist was trimming my hair I felt like a weight was dropping. Mind you, she was just trimming it into a taper cut- but I felt like an old version of me was falling to the floor and a new version of me emerged. I knew I was doing the right thing for my hair and I just felt overall lighter and ready to conquer the next chapter in my life.
It could be because I’m approaching 30 and I am a huge sucker for milestones to grow up- I’m in the process of dropping dead weight- feeling lighter. I’m taking a look at all the things in my life that aren’t serving me anymore and letting go of them. If you’ve been feeling heavy and can’t pinpoint why- then keep reading.
Too Much Stuff
Decluttering is the key to happiness. Studies show that “When people go through the process of decluttering, they feel a sense of freedom and liberation. It’s a reclaiming of a sense of mastery and control. They feel more competent and efficient.”
Each season I like to reorganize and declutter, but this current decluttering session just hit different. I’m at a point where I’m more sure of my personal style and know what I want to look like- so if an article of clothing can’t serve that purpose it needs to go. This doesn't only apply to clothes and shoes- think about all the things you own. I also went through a major mug purge. I did not like my mugs and I didn’t feel like a baddie drinking from them. I got rid of old tarnished jewelry that I should have gotten rid of a long time ago. Wigs that I don’t like anymore, makeup that I am holding on to. My dog needed to purge some things too. He has too many toys that aren’t real toys anymore because he’s destroyed them. Things had to leave this house!
*NOTE* By no means am I a minimalist but I am anti-clutter. If the things you own do not serve you, nor do they make you happy need to go.
I find the hardest part is the emotional attachment I have to items. I’m attached to how I got the item, where I got it from, or what happened while I was wearing it. I won’t lie- if it was a good memory or very sentimental- I kept it! It's not a 100% fool proof plan, it never is but it's a process. Now further down on the decluttering spectrum- don’t throw everything away. It's okay to have some fun and useless things. The organization that I achieve from declutter is unmatched and positively affects the rest of my life.
I came across this article that had some questions in it to help you declutter. Some being:
Ask yourself if it’s “the best, the favorite, or necessary.” (LOVE!)
Ask yourself if it’s useful or beautiful.
Ask yourself if it sparks joy.
In conclusion, get rid of the stuff sis.
Holding on to Negativity
Holding on to negativity is SUCH a drag. Quick story- I got into an argument with an ex before, and I started recording him for some reason. I held on to this video for a few years- and I never knew why I couldn’t delete it. I think I needed it as proof that he was a horrible person when I thought about getting back together. But holding on to that negative memory always did more harm to me because I wanted so badly to remember the negative about him. I found that the best way to get over him in the end was to release him altogether. This quote from my research stands out to me and perfectly sums up why this hurt me so much, “
We always hear, “Forgive and Forget” but it's never for the other person’s sake- it's for yourself. Some things that have helped me to release negative feelings about people and events were:
Accept the fact that it happened: Nothing can be changed. If you don't accept it, you can't process it and move on from it. Essentially leaving you stuck in that moment of time.
Being honest and objective about the situation and your role in it: More than likely you are holding a grudge because your feelings were hurt. I said it before, and I’ll keep shouting it until it's blue and purple in the face- your feelings are not facts.
Cultivate empathy: What if you were in the other person’s shoes? Had similar life experiences etc. It's very easy to judge people and hold grudges- but not everyone is equipped with the same toolkit and everything that is intuitive to you isn’t for everyone else.
Living in the past prevents you from enjoying the present moment- which you can never get back. Not forgiving the person that hurt you can do more harm to yourself than it does to the other person. I've Learned that holding a grudge can become cyclical. “Forgiveness and acceptance can lead to a more emotionally stable mindset, less stress, and healthier well-being”.
Some of the effects of holding on to negative feelings are:
Adverse digestion, cardiovascular, and reproductive health
Aggressive behavior
Mood Disorders such as depression, anxiety, and others
I could go on forever about the importance of letting go of negative feelings. Please read more here.
Feeling the Need to be Perfect
You’ll never be perfect. Your mom will never be perfect. Your dog will never be perfect. Your teachers will never be perfect. Nobody is and never will be. There I said it. When I wrote this point down- I was originally thinking about how holding ourselves to unrealistic standards- holding ourselves back- but in reality having these standards for any person in our life holds us back. Perfectionists strive to be perfect in every aspect of their lives and when they make mistakes or fail at something, they view it as a reflection of their existence. These are the people that tie their worth to their accomplishments and productivity levels. I feel like I also tie my worth to those things but I’m also okay with not doing everything perfectly.
Now how is perfectionism actually holding you back?
You don’t want to try new things because you’re afraid of failing at it.
You don’t fully believe in yourself and capabilities because outside validation is the only thing you see as valid.
You’re not your authentic self. You want people to believe that you are this untouchable force- but underneath it all- you’re a person with flaws.
In terms of holding others to perfectionist standards- it's the same thing.
In Conclusion
The moral of the story is for you to drop the deadweight that is stopping you from being your full self. Me-I’m finna turn up. I dropped physical, mental, and emotional pounds!
Your homework for the week- do the same!
Sources:
https://verilymag.com/2020/02/how-to-get-over-perfectionism-letting-go
https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/decluttering-tips-36704986
https://www.verywellmind.com/the-mental-health-effects-of-holding-a-grudge-5176186
