4 Hard Truths About Friend Breakups
Today we’re discussing friend breakups. Specifically, some truths that I realized as I approach this new season of life. I clearly care about friendships- I mean this is my 2nd episode about it this year, and I think it's important for the baddies of the world to talk about their friendships. It's important to have female counterparts to go through life with.
Growing up I expected to have a huge group of friends. Sex in the City, Girlfriends, Moesha, Friends… they were always around each other, involved in all aspects of their lives, and always available. (As an adult, we know Joan and Toni had their issues- but as a child, I thought it was whatever. I was more enamored by their lifestyle.)
Fast forward- Adulthood was a wake-up call.
On a large scale, there is no incentive or game plan around how to nurture and maintain friendships. But we all have been fed how to work through situations with our romantic partners and how to build stronger connections, but never how to do that with our friends. So when we do get into disagreements with our friends- we have no idea how to deal with it. Friendships are supposed to be fun, frivolous, and easygoing. While romantic relationships are meant to be serious, the most important, and require the most work.
Let’s get into some truths around friend breakups.
Women that prioritize male validation will never have strong female friendships because they see other women as competition.
That could be the girl who prefers male friends because they “cause less drama” or the girl who literally only wants to hang with her significant other. These are the same women who will go through the mountains, hills, valleys, and deepest ocean to stay in their man’s life and cut their friend off in an instant.
2. The way you live your life and your values will impact your friendships.
The majority of the arguments and disagreements I’ve gotten into with friends are because I’m opinionated and I tend to share that opinion. It’s never coming from a bad place, but I could understand why sharing opinions could be viewed as degrading. One could be thinking “she thinks she's better” or, “she thinks her way of life is better”. This one is hard and I don’t have the answers for it because you want the best for your friends- or what you perceive as the best, but you also don’t want to offend them in the same breath.
3. You not wanting to put in work to make the friendship work says it all.
I think we all know at this point that all relationships require maintenance work. But it may not seem worth it to you. You may just want to let things fall apart. And that is a message. The emphasis on low-maintenance friendships is a bit puzzling to me. Do we want friends in our everyday lives? How is life involvement a bad thing? I agree there are friendships like this- but why are those the best kind? Again, if a man were to do that to you- you’d be in shambles sis. We don’t typically have conversations with our friends saying, “Hey it seems like we’re growing apart” or “My needs aren’t being met” unless a conflict brings it up. Putting in the work to ensure you don’t get to that point isn’t typically done.
4. We stay in unhappy friendships.
Just like we stay at unfulfilling jobs, and stagnant relationships, we stay in unhappy friendships because we feel obligated to, it's easier to remain friends, or just don’t know how to end it. You probably will have to make some shifts in your entire life to adjust for a break up-but you have to do it. Some friendships maybe aren’t worth repairing. We simply don’t have enough time or energy to do so.
I don’t want to end things on a negative point, so walk away with these three truths:
-You can’t control anyone except for yourself.
-Assume the best in people- especially those you call friends.
-Cherish the friends you have and make sure they feel appreciated.
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